A Bachelors Blog

Did I disappoint you or let you down? Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown? 'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun, Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won. So I took what's mine by eternal right. Took your soul out into the night. It may be over but it won't stop there, I am here for you if you'd only care. You touched my heart you touched my soul. You changed my life and all my goals. And love is blind and that I knew when, My heart was blinded by you. I've kissed your lips and held your hand. Shared your dreams and shared your bed. I know you well, I know your smell. I've been addicted to you. Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one. You have been the one for me. I am a dreamer and when I wake, You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take. And as you move on, remember me, Remember us and all we used to be I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile. I've...

It's funny what people can and will do to one another... the amount of hurt and selfishness that can be found between a couple.   Recently I have watched two former couples, with all the biases and issues still standing strong, show a tender love and somehow that is the most heartbreaking thing to witness.   Very different scenarios. Very different sets of people. Even as they can outright hate their partners... on the same note, that love shines through... like a ray of sun through fence boards.    I wish I could fix them.  I wish I could speak my words and make it all better, make them want to fight for each other instead of against each other.  I wish I had the power to make it  right for them because the tender love is still there.  It's hidden behind the mask of pain, but it is most certainly still there.   And here I am. Struggling so feebly for others' happiness, and not even trying to consider my own...   Maybe I should be ...

  Today, writing is a chore, but a necessary one, much like laundry, housecleaning, and grocery shopping.... and changing the wiper blades on the car.  Check, check, check and double check (with a bloody finger as an added bonus).   Been meaning to write this out all weekend, and in the back of my mind, when a spare moment presented, I found myself mentally dictating snippets of prose to be added for what you are in fact reading now.  You will see some of my minds pre ordered percolated prose in a few moments.   I have to say.... I am pretty beat. Not quite sure how to start stabbing at the veil of this weekend... sooooo, I'll just take big wild swipes that will make this whole blog seem confusing and a bit stuttery.   But hey, that's been the epitome of my weekend.  Not bad, not great... but just ever so slightly off.  Like someone singing just a fraction of a second behind  the music.     This weekend, things just didnt come t...

  I'd like to think that there are no true douche bags in the world, but sadly this naivety is a falsehood.  More than just wearing a pink sweater tied around their shoulders the Douchemetisis Bagimus, or "Douche Bag" in laymens terms, seem to be cropping up everywhere...   And best of all, my FAVORITE Doucher... he is so awesome he wears a friggin SCARF!  Yeah....   I know, someone needs to punch that guy square in the ovaries.  But that isn't for me to do.. I am just observing and reporting.  My pet DB likes to counter me in anything I have to say that is not a concrete yes/no, pass/fail, black/white scenario.   Asked if US customer service was better than Canadian, I said "no, not really in my experience, unless you are close to the Canadian border".  I got DB'ed by this moron with a quick "thats soooo not true, every time Im in the States I get nothing but good customer service, *Flicking DB emblazoned scarf over left shoulder...

So! For any of you who are not on my Facebook listing, I have posted a friends film that I played a small role in.  I posted it for everyone to see so if you are interested, please feel free to go check it out.     For those of you who don't know me or my last name, I guess you are kinda screwed.  Message me and I can hook you up!       It's douche baggery goodness!   I have now made a music video, a short film, and who knows what will be next....     Speaking of Douche bags.... Seems there are a number of them coming out of the woodwork these days. Friends getting cheated on by his soon to be ex of over 8 years and the guys name is now Guy Le Douche.  We laugh about it, but I know the poor bastard is hurting.   My GLD, well, lets just say I am steering clear lest I say something in a fit of witty sarcasm.  A verbal lashing, although hilarious beyond measure, would just make life a little bit ha...

Last night I was going through my phone and deleting people that I dont talk to anymore, and I finally had to delete Stef's number.  He passed on last fall...and it was time.  I did it with some very profound sadness, letting go a very small piece of someone who was important in my little world... So I'm at work today and it's just a regular monday as described in my previous post, when my trainer asks me if I knew a fellow at RBC named Stephen... Neufeld.  Well... Close enough.  He gave her a glowing recommendation a few years ago and mentioned he was at rbc.  I had to break the news to her....    Its funny... you think you got a handle on things, that you have your shit together, and the pain seeps right back in.    Most folks see me smiling and talking and acting like all is well and usually they let it go. As one of my fellow trainees said; "Ask Ryan, he will know!" When I asked her why she thought that, she said "You are so confident,...

   Alas, tis true.  Although, the sun is out, it's lunchtime, the work is fairly easy, and the bosses are not being too bad at all.  Lots of good, not much to bitch about.    I have to say though, it was a real bastard trying to wake up this morning.... all bleary eyed and Einstein haired, stumbling around, grunting like Frankenstein......   So yeah, I'm definitely not a morning person.  Pros and cons I suppose, but every weekend, without fail, I revert to my more nocturnal ways.  I WAS in bed early last night, heh... 130.    I have decided to try and work my ass off to get back to Japan later this year.  Its been almost a year since I was there and I really miss it, and the fun I had there was epic in proportion....  Either that or Mexico sometime next year. I need a vacation.  Of course in conjunction with that is my financial dissatisfaction..and a trip will not help that, but what the hell can you do? ...

Let us travel together awhile. I want you to read this and see a life, a world, a place, and a glimpse. Imagine if you will opening your eyes in your bed. It's dark and quiet. You can feel your teddy bear beside you as you slowly wake up and adjust to the night time. You are 4 and this is the first memory you will have in your life. You reach for your glasses and put them on, grabbing your teddy bear, aptly named Bear, by the paw and, in your spiderman jammies, wander into the darkened living room. Normally the dark frightens you, but as your eyes focus a bit, you notice the radio is on, filling the night's quiet with a breath of sound. The arc sodium street lights add just enough light to the room for you to navigate to the couch and climb up onto it with Bear firmly in tow. You are afraid of the dark but the sounds from the radio are entrancing. You sit and listen as Sting and the Police sing Roxanne and your heart is filled with the love of music, a ...

You open your eyes and the sun is flashing and winking through the trees above you as you stand on a corner, watching your first true love walk away from you. You are 16 and you think you just did the right thing, but have no clue or measure for it. Clumsy, awkward and doomed to fail, this first sense of true love leaves you feeling dizzy as your palms sweat and your stomach flops around like a landed fish every time you are together. You turn and walk away with determination and an idea of what it's supposed to be like, but really not having any idea at all. The groundwork is now laid out before you on what to expect, how it looks, and a vague understanding of how you will react and deal with this alien feeling, this cause of so many movies, books, songs, wars, bloodshed, and discord as well as harmony. You also learn the meaning of the word Dichotomy. fast forward You are standing at the top of a low rise overlooking a shallow valley with a dirt road stretc...

You open your eyes. You are weary, swaying on your feet, the abrasive lighting in the hospital room making your eyes ache furiously as people hustle around you and nurses do their job. You are handed a pair of scissors and told to give it a good cut, it may be slippery. A nurse holds the umbilical cord for you and you make the cut and your daughter Anneka is officially of this world and no matter how your body is doing, all you feel is a happiness and a sense of completeness. Life has fundamentally changed for you in the long run, although you have not been able to grasp the concept yet. You are the first to announce the sex of the baby, say "it's a girl?" because the doctors said it would be a boy, but you don't care because she's the most magnificent thing you have ever laid eyes on and can't stop staring. Annie is taken to the baby oven to keep warm while they test her. She scores a perfect ten on the scale, in complete health and even ...

  It seems that there is this perverse need amongst my female friends to set me up and inevitably I cringe at this fantastic of statements; "I've got JUST the girl for you!"   I understand what they are doing. Words like distraction, moving on, good times, fresh start, all end up in these conversations somewhere.  I appreciate what they are trying to do for me.  Really I do, but I just don't feel up for that sort of thing right now.  When I'm ready, I think I can find myself another future break up all on my own. I seem to be doing a bang up job 32 years into it....Finding them was never a big problem..... heh, it's the keeping part that seems to elude me.   I took a friend out for coffee, and sadly she is splitting up with her partner after 9 years and a daughter together.... I gave her my advice, I told her what was good and bad about her situation, and I listened to her heartache.  The other person not changing their attitudes after expressing rep...

Out with the old, in with the new, whether by choice, design, force, or raw fluke. I have been in the new apartment for a few days now and so far, so good.  It has been pretty refreshing to wake up in my own bed, with no other sounds but the rain cascading out on my balcony.  I have been with room mates for far too long and have really missed the truly single life.  Solitude, peace, quiet and time.  All for me.    It really is nice to have this once more.  Sure its more expensive, but you are paying for the access to your own space, to do with what you will, to have the bathroom door open while you pee... to not put the seat down afterwards! Glorious....  I have noticed that not having people around me all the time has saddened me a bit.  I would like to share this with someone, but of course that defeats the purpose and the one I'd like to share with, I simply cannot.     So in lieu of that process... I follow the blog therapy. ...

This song sums it up for me.... very poetic and heartfelt.  The imagery works.... Hope you enjoy. (Sorry it isn't the most cheerful, But I'll get back to that) http://www.youtube.com/watch#!v=vryEm80pUek&a=vPBBlPPBsjc&playnext_from=ML&playnext=2 Black Rose I saw you in the garden I wanted you so much I really thought that you were different Oh I couldn't get enough I tried to save you from yourself I felt every high and low Now the lows have drowned the highs away now there's no where else to go Black rose your thorns are cutting into me for the last time Black rose I watched your petals wilt away I couldn't bring you back to life You were always where the sun could never go I never wanted you to have to be alone But I couldn't find a way to help you grow Black Rose You never tell me how you feel and your moods they always change I really tried to make it real but you never had the faith I tried to give you something good to ...