Being content with the process.

I’m going to preface this post with the fact that I just about took a bite out of my unpeeled orange just now, thinking it was my apple.  
  If I’m rambling, it’s the fatigue and I hope to keep this short and sweet. 
  One of the hardest lessons to learn in life has been patience.  I think most people can relate to that comment as it’s not high on our collective priorities these days, in a world where everything comes to our door same or next day, drive thru everything, instant gratification is the norm and waiting for things has really fallen by the wayside, especially with self development. 
  I’m only speaking for myself as everyone’s journey is different but the past few years have really taught me the value of patience.  Waiting is hard but usually it’s worth it.  Not always, mind you, but usually.  
  Having to wait and see how dads doing with the chemo and the fight has taken more out of my than I recognized until this recent emergency trip out there.  I haven’t been that scared in a very long time and it was a difficult trip for a lot of reasons.  It was also a good trip for just as many reasons and I recognize the value in the benefits. Closer knit family, face time with my brothers, nephews, sister, mom, and of course dad.  
   Patience.  
   Waiting.  
Sitting in a cold and sterile ICU room, waiting for things to get better.  Hoping, praying... wanting to do.... something, anything, to help.  But just being there, I realize, was enough. Or so I had hoped.  It was a tough time and I had to wait it out.  I made it through that with a new view on things.  Life, work, relationships, love, family, and the value of waiting. 
  Some things in life are worth the wait and that depends wholly on the individual whether to wait for ‘it’ or not. 
  Is it a relationship? Is it a financial goal? Is it pursuing something new? Is it news from or about someone? 
  The art of patience.  It’s almost a lost art until it’s forced on you hah. 
  I’m lucky.  My family and friends help me constantly to walk through my stuff, to help me see with healthier and different eyes, help me pull away from a broken history of looking at things improperly.  I’m forever grateful for everyone I’ve got in my corner.  I’m truly a lucky man.  
  I’m not ‘there’. I haven’t won the patience game (just listen to me while I drive in rush hour with the masses or play video games... unrelated note, the PlayStation computer DEFINITELY cheats).  The point is that I’ve burdened my self with the goal of attaining patience where once upon a time there was absolutely none.  I have moments still, of course I do, but they are less and less.  Navel gazing and self repair are so hard and also take a ton of patience.  Becoming a better person and learning to be kind to yourself takes a lot of work and even more time, but I’m trying and that’s what matters.  
  I patiently await my phone call from the office to tell me which train I’m driving home.  I patiently await my partners return and reunion with the house full of animals (myself included). I patiently wait for my brain and heart to align and figure out what’s best for me. I patiently wait for the good things that are coming my way.  I deserve them and that.  We ALL deserve good things, whether we are currently in a place to accept that truth or not.   I hope you are, gentle reader.  Truly, I do.  I’m rooting for you, for growth and patience and a clarity of heart to go find your own happiness.  
   Mine is in my house and animals and loved ones.  It’s in my work (for the most part) and in martial arts and reading, in music and food and writing.   
  I patiently wait to be better at all of these things, even as I work my ass off to be better... the results will come when you really don’t expect them to.  
  I dig it. 
  

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