Merry Christmas .. and a Bah Humbug too!

It’s that time of year! Snows on the ground, food and drink to be had, family and friends to be visited!! Hectic errands and shopping to be sorted out. It’s an insane month generally, but for most of us it’s a fun and happy time filled with good people and good memories. 
  I’ve never been a huge fan of Christmas. My mom ‘took away’ Christmas from us a few times as kids, so she could buy booze and party it all away.  That sucked.  
   As an adult, the commercialization of a heartfelt time sucked a lot of joy out of me as well as the hard childhood memories... till I became very .. Grinchlike. 
  The last few years I have struggled mightily with this sadness attached to a festive season and have largely won.  Excellent friends who care about me have kept a weather eye out and invited (dragged) me to various events to keep my spirits up, be it social events, small family dinners or just the traditional Christmas night hangout with a couple of good friends.   
  These gestures are Christmas, to me, in my pruney little grinchmas heart and I’ve found peace and enjoyment as it was meant for this season. 
   This year is a tough one for me, last Christmas had a whole nest of problems that I no longer have and I have much to be thankful for, but being away from family right now really is weighing on me.  
  So I’ll admit that I am sad, at this point in. The season. Not many people want to admit that or even hear it because now I’ve become the ‘downer’ or the ‘attention seeker’. 
  I’m neither of those things.  I don’t want people to pint their sympathy my way, I’m handling my sorrow and my struggles as I’ve always done.  Being a downer is dependant on the reader.  I can’t make anyone feel anything so please choose to read this for what it is, simply a gentle reminder that not everyone is festive this season. Suicide rates spike dramatically at this time of year simply because the have nots are faced with what the haves... have. Some people can’t carry that burden and take that drastic and unfortunate road. 
   Ok, so this got dark but here’s the thing.  I am sad and I am also happy.  
I’m sad that I can’t hug and sit with my sick father. I miss him dearly and it’s extremely hard to be so far away.   I’m
Sad that I’m working a night shift on the 9 days leading up to Christmas so I can’t go out and be with my friends in the evenings and have some laughs, try to enjoy the good times. 
  I’m also happy that people are having good times and that my friends are inviting me to various events that I’m trying my best to visit. Having the options available mean more than people know.  I’m excited to see my people when I’m finally done this stretch of work and unwind and do the Christmas stuff. 
   Sometimes it’s easy to forget that the season is about love and time spent, not money and stuff. Some people don’t have money, some people don’t have ‘people’ but the community is always there.  No one is an island. We are all a village and mine is watching out for me as I’m doing my best to watch out for them.  I hope the same goes for you, gentle reader.  
   You are not alone.  
We are not alone.  Our people are there for us. Let’s go say hello and enjoy the warmth of a good time with people who matter to us. That’s the season I can get behind.  That’s the Christmas spirit that will help me get past the funk. 
  Peace and love, everyone. 

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