Open Books

...on my way home and the swirl of thoughts going through my head are a storm-laden mess. 

  I’ve always held to the belief of the golden rule- do to others what you want done to you ... I still live by that but it seems that my open book policy has failed. 

  Sometimes you have to write the final words to a truly epic chapter of life, long or short, and it’s a painful thing.  This blog normally is an open book of my life and journey, sometimes vaguaries are required to protect identities... 

  Im not going to delve deeply into any of this. 

It’s time to put aside my personal crap and prepare for a bigger situation, much bigger than me. 

 (And then I pity party hard... like Andrew W K)

   I feel more and more like I’m cast adrift and foundering in the storms crashing waves, looking for something to hang onto.  

   I’ve realized one immutable fact.  It’s time to start swimming for my life and my well being. No one else will get me through any of this 

   I’m not ready to leave some things behind, truly I’m not,  but sometimes those options are taken from you.  

  Now it’s time to invest heavily in near term goals for myself.  Busy myself with the things I love even though I don’t feel like I love them in this moment in time, with the waves hammering at me. 

  It’s time to focus on my Dad. My new Nephew who I can’t wait to meet, my friends, my family, My future goals... 

and most importantly, to heal and to laugh.  Fight for the good and find the bright sides of life.  

  There’s the book of my life that is open and there’s the book of my heart which unfortunately is no longer open.   Such is life but we all learn right? That’s the lesson and the struggle.

...

Hug your family.  Kiss your person on the forehead.  Treasure them.  Tickle your kids and pet your pets.  Nothing is guaranteed and you want them to never doubt your book is open for them, for the doubt is a terrible thing to cause in your loved ones. 

For now I hope.  For tomorrow and the day after and all the way into the next chapter.  It’s the hardest thing for me to do right now but I’m working on it. 

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