...in the moment

  I've had a pretty rough year and a half. The new year has held promise but out of the blue my life has gone from secure and stable to a giant question mark on pretty much all levels of my life. 
  I'm not a 'live in the moment' kind of guy. I'm happiest with routines and a sense of safety and security.  I plan, weeks and months and years into the future and I love when the plans work out, it's comforting. I often think too much about a situation that I'm constantly reminding myself that I have exactly zero power to influence or control. I spend a lot of time with the internal monologue 'just relax, man. Whatever happens, happens.' 
  ... And then I spend another half an hour trying to see all the angles, plan and prepare for every possible outcome, girding myself for the worst, yet hoping for the best. 
  It's exhausting. 
  These past couple of weeks have been weird for me but I'm really focused on the simple moments. When my brain decides to derail itself and get stuck on that one situation or possibility, I simply stop and remind myself to just look around... Live in the moment. Enjoy the sun on my face.  Feel the breeze, see the people and animals. Pay attention to what's right in front of me... Even if it's just Moxie trying to poop. 
  The truth is that this little mental exercise is becoming one of the toughest things I've tried to change about myself, but also rewarding. 
  I'm not nearly as stressed as a week ago. Nothing has changed. Things have gotten more challenging but it's ok. Fuck it! It's a nice night. Driving through the empty streets, listening to quiet tunes relaxes me, helps me reset and focus on breathing and seeing what I'm always missing all around me. 
  Is it some weird hippie thing? Yeah, maybe, but it works. 
  Life is too short to worry about money or work or life issues or anything. It's going by so quickly and one day we run out of days. 
 Sure, it's super easy for me to write this and for you, gentle reader, to actually accept it as anything but stupidity is not easy but hey, that's up to you. 
  I've read how meditating helps calm people. In martial arts, the patterns we practice are a form of meditation and  I always walk away from those sessions relaxed and ready to face the day. Clear eyes and full heart. 
  Life isn't easy. It's life, it's not meant to be easy. I'm going to enjoy it as much as I can before I run to the end of my days and I'll be living all of them, as much as I'm able to, in the moment. 

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