New Year, No Fear

  This last year has been probably the second hardest year of my life and I can honestly tell you, gentle reader, that I'm happy to put it behind me. 
  Before I do that though, I'm writing this post to sort of help me organize this chapter somewhat in my mind because as difficult as it actually was, there were victories and positives all along the way. 

  This has been a year of losses.  From the yo yo girlfriend situation all year to the cancer losses to the two murders and a suicide. I've buried too many people lately and have put up with a lot of idiotic childishness from 'adults' that I no longer associate with. 
  Let's call this the learning and growing curve. More and more I am realizing what I do and don't want in my life and will actively seek out the good and cull the herd of the bad/infirm/negative. Just not good for growth or any sort of positive hope for a future. In short, shitty people will weigh you down. 

  The deaths... Jesus, the losses this year. 
  Ive really tried hard to come out of each funeral with a semblance of positivity. Something, ANYthing to allow me to make sense of and to walk forward from, these situations. 
  What I've learned is this; if you need help, get it. Pride gets you nothing but ruined and in some of these extreme cases, dead. No one knows what tomorrow brings and we can't know that a stubborn decision will kill us but even so... Just smarten up and accept help when it's offered and ask for it as you need it. 
  I've stopped being afraid of dying a long time ago. Too many near misses through out my life simply acclimate you to it, I suppose. This isn't bravado. It isn't being super macho tough guy. It's nothing more than how I operate. I've started to look at death as a kind of positive. It's the ultimate adventure and I'm thinking that maybe it's cooler on the other side and my curiosity is definitely piqued. 
...
Now. Having said that, I have no wish to give up on this life and it also doesn't excuse anyone from taking a life, even their own. I've just come to terms with the 'Long Walk Alone' and I won't fear it. I'll embrace the question mark and hope for the best. What else is there to do?

  So, that's the end of last years chapter and I'm slowly organizing this years chapter in my mind. I feel that there will be some change this year and I'm bending the universe in the direction I want it to go, no more being blown wherever the wind takes me, it's time to harness the wind and use my rudders to turn this ship of life towards a better place. Fuck this storm.  

 I've been too long away from blogging, mostly because im always getting locked out and despise the password change  process for Google hahaha buuuuuut...
I'm hoping, gentle reader, that you will encourage me to continue should you enjoy what you read here. It's truly food for my starving writers' ego. It emboldens and motivates me. 
 Happy New Year in your endeavours and I'll be back here soon to amuse and entertain. Or just spew my usual half drunken idiocy.  Either way, enjoy and peace owt, Beeeetches!!!!

Comments

Anonymous said…
Good to hear I'm not the only one who had a year of losses and gave up. Keep your head up boy!

-fucker who wont surrender to lifes bullshit
3 January 2016 at 21:40
*silver angel* said…
Do continue. The voice of one might shout the ideas of many. Never stop
3 January 2016 at 22:46
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