She

I will start this blog with an apology. I'm nearing exhaustion so my stream of consciousness is more like a trickle right now... Or numerous rivulets spider webbing in all sorts of directions. 

  Fancy words for 'I'm probably going to babble'

  I decided to take the new Daft Punk album for a spin while I write and the eclectic music is a lot less dance funk and a lot heavier in an almost seventies-esque disco funk. Not unpleasant but I think it's mood music. As in I'm not sure I'm in the mood for this right now. 

 

Random access memories, if you're interested in listening, dear reader. 

 Now for a fun story -

So there I am, sitting in the pub with my brother, having a beer and sorting out the details of our upcoming hockey season when our third member comes striding right into the bar, making a bee line right for us and unceremoniously dumps THIS into my arms!

(ZOMG WHAT DO I DO?????)

  Step one. DO NOT DROP!! This is Stephen, my friends 3 month old babs! He is a real cutie and even tractor beamed a girl right to me to gush and make stupid baby sounds while jabbering about her job as a nanny. 

  Didn't care, wanted her to go away right as Stephen promptly yakked all over my arm.  I'm smart enough to baby bounce a baby and aim them out at the world, not in towards my body. Projectile vomiting is hilarious as long as you aren't the target. 

  So I'm in the bar, standing and watching football, doing the baby bounce and thinking... What. The. Hell. 

  Cute kid. Proud dad rescued me after a few minutes' reprieve for him to pee and relax sans kidlet in arms. 

  I confess I always panic when a baby is handed over to me. That instant weight of responsibility and all that it entails... But as soon as head and neck are secured, confidence fully restored, I baby bounce like a Boss!! All DAY! (Thanks Schmidt, I credit you once). 

  Was a pleasant surprise. 

Ok... Enough of this crazy talk!

  I was (scoffing) dared to write about 'She' and here I am, procrastinating no longer.  

  I will start with saying that there is a She and She is a very cool lady.  She also drives a man absolutely bonkers at times but overall the laughs will come and we all know that "Funny Trumps Everything"

(Ad nauseum) ...*Im breaking the fourth wall again. Did I spell that right?*

  Anyway, let us continue. 

So what happens when you are just floating along in your life and out of nowhere some rude asshole just yanks your eyelids up and shakes you like a dog with a chew toy? She did this... I still haven't figured out what sort of reactive punishment I shall be inflicting on She but I assure you, gentle reader, it will be appropriate to the issue of disrupting things in my idiot little world. 

 She. Trouble. Exasperating. Exhilarating. Entertaining. Amazing. Witty. Capable. 

  This is new for me. I don't usually say much on the subject of women aside from safe generalities simply to avoid burning my readership bridges but this one time I can make an exception. 

 Also I was dared soooooo...

(Electric sex! Oh wait..right, I'm writing)

  She.  Any way you look at it, She is going to be an interesting X Factor for me going forward and I think I'm ok with that. Some people are just cool enough that they are worth the gamble. 

   Or they owe you money and need to pay up! 

 

(*will take payment in food. And beer.)

  I'm not sure why this is here but She knows!! Or I'm just that tired. 

  I'm posting this damn post. I'm tired and tomorrow is a big day in "the real world" and I'll need my wits about me. And possibly some Scotch.