Winging it

I seem to have a knack for writing on the fly.... In My minds eye it will be perfect but reality is always a splash of cold water... 
  I am of course drunk as I try to write this. I am dizzy and and angry and hurt and stuck in this stupid moment. 
  Pragmatic Ryan says "hey, this was a  conclusion" and my bits and parts follow suit, but that doesn't mean I don't feel the sting. 
  I know this is a one sided event and that I'm powerless to do anything about it but it doesn't change the fact that I think jrsnan ibsy 

--- ok so this is my blog from last night. It started strong and poignant and literally slipped into jibberish. Talk about mapping out a train wreck. 
  I feel better today though and I'm glad this didn't continue.  This, 'diatribe' against a certain Catholic. It's legit. 
  I'm hung over and my contacts are stuck to my eyes, never a pleasant feeling.  It really does feel like a cat used my mouth for a litter box and there seems to be something hanging out in my stomach that I'd rather not entertain. 

  Penance due for my folly I suppose.  My night consisted of throwing beer cans at my tv, building a beer fort, climbing up on my roof to feel 'a lord over all creation'. I live in a 3 story apartment, how lordly can you get. I managed to 1) find my couch by the end of the night 2) lash out at Twitter in general and 3) give myself a sweet hangover. 
  Well played, angry Ryan. Well played. 
All of this simply serves as an object lesson. 
  I get myself in these stupid situations and all pain is ultimately self inflicted.
  Truly, I should have known better from the start and part of me did. I knew the odds of all this working were slim to none but I rolled the dice anyway. 
  You can't win if you don't play. Even so, the rejection still burns pretty badly. 

  So here I am, hung over and feeling like death just slept on my brain for a few hours, trying to deal. This isn't a tv show and there's no pithy one liners or happy endings. Just another day 

...
Son of a bitch now Jon Secada is stuck in my head. 

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