Tick tock, Doc

  I'm waiting for my Doctor. Again. She is worth it though so my patience continues. I'm writing this simply to stay awake because I'm simply drained. I can't even keep my eyes open for the book I'm reading so its writing or snoozing in the waiting room and that very elderly bald fellow two seats has shifty eyes and nimble fingers. 
  I inherently distrust spry old folks. Its a thing. 
  Stuck waiting forces you to think where normally the blessed noise of life will be a soothing white blanket of sound to wash away those pesky thoughts, or better yet, be a bug zapper to the incessant buzzing  around my head. 
  Of course life doesn't work that way really, and I'm a thinker, all the way through. It has its charms (I'm pretty good at learning from my mistakes, I can give you a pretty good go at chess and it helps with writing lame blogs), but any thinker will inevitably confess to the down sides; restlessness, sleeplessness, self doubt, confusion, frustration).  Seriously, you should see me play myself at chess. I'm never sure if I'm upset at the loss or stoked for the victory. 
   My brain is my 'thing'. My heart is big and soft and foolish, my soul is well intentioned but often indecisive, but my brain usually can figure shit out. It's "got this" in most situations.  Sadly the brain is only a part of the puzzle and if these three parts of the whole would ever be on the same page, I'm sure I'd turn into superman and be pretty much invincible and badass forever and ever, amen. 
  Well that isn't the case most of the time. Mostly it's my brain screaming at my heart and my soul trying to play referee, like siblings squabbling. Usually the more my heart wants something, the more my brain resists it.... Because my brain looks at situations like chess, analyzing 5 moves ahead and the potential for risk. It's a good little computer that way. 
  Usually. I'm sure my astute readers caught that subtle little word in there. 
  So what happens when the heart clamours, the brain wants and the soul pushes? Usually good things.  
  Usually.
  It doesn't often happen that way but that's life and we always make our decisions as best we can with the information at hand. Some of us fly by the seat of our pants/hearts, and God help all of us.  We all strive for better though, whether its conscious or not, and that's a good thing. I'm not sure what I'm trying to say as I sit and wait. 
  I DO know one thing. 
"The mind calculates but the spirit yearns and the heart knows what the heart knows." - Stephen King
  Better than I could have said it.

-Still Waiting....

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