I Am Drunk

I'm at the lake. Caddy lake to be specific, with friends and acquaintances who , unknown, are still  good people.
  I sit out on the boat house, looking up at the stars, listening to Jeff Buckleys Hallelujah... Alone.  
 There are 12 people here besides me, six couples.. Making me the extreme single.  I cannot stress that I am writing this while in a drunken stupor.  
  The beautiful stars stare down at me, the sad music drums in my ears, the darkness descends on me like a cloak... The sense of aloneness is not harder to come by than right now.  
  My desires  and hopes pervade my
Dreams, forcing me to steps I would normally not take, injecting a sense of hope where rightfully there shouldn't be any. 
  It's been a very long while since someone has awoken my desires, sparked my interest. I'd like to say that it will all pass, I'd like to state that the ending will be clear and victorious, I'd like to say that there is even hope for this man who is punished by the past.  
  I can't say whether there is a happy ending for me, I can't even say whether this chapter of my life ends well or not. What I do know is that every now and then... Once in a very long while... Someone will come along who challenges your beliefs, who, by simply being, forces you to be better, who's very nature allows you to strive for a better ending.... I wish I had better words than this. 
  ...
I feel that things are moving in a particular direction.  I know that if nothing else pans out In my life, I will be leaving this province. It would take something serious to anchor me here at this point. As much as I want that, I can't expect it to materialize. My pragmatic and realist self tells me the truth of things; life isn't a movie and there aren't ever happy endings. What I want and hope for will rarely become the reality. This is life. 
  I'm thinking about my father and his heart condition. The same issue that I have. I'd like to spend time with him. I miss the ocean and the family. 

  My mind strays to the vastness of the ocean.  Its said that the ocean doesn't remember.... It's timeless.  Maybe that's what I need.   
  

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