This is who I am....
Welcome to 2013.
As with all New Years ridiculousness, revelry, and presumed good times, there comes the time of resolutions!
One of my resolutions for this year (Although I still don't recall making it so it's suspect) is to get more serious about relationships...
Namely, consideration for actually having one. Even trying.
2012 was my year of relational 'No-Fly Zones'. I did this on purpose, and even though there were some prospects and some dates (and admittedly good times), I stuck to my guns.
For the record, Top Gun is on my No-Fly Zone for movie watching
(ironic wordplay)
There is alot (A Lot, I know, I'm lazy, piss off) of pressure regarding relationships for a single man in his mid thirties.
I know, right? I barely look 28!
(scowl)
My sisters like to know what's going on in my love life, as do my inner circle of friends and assorted cast and characters hovering in my little world and my answer invariably sounds the same as it ever has. "What love life?"
So! I have decided to write up a 'TRUE BLOG'!!! I will give you, loyal reader, an inside look at Ryan, who he is, how he functions, what he likes and dislikes.
You will read things that some of my ex girlfriends never knew or found out about me, most of family still have no clue about, and probably a whole avalanche of details you could probably have done without.
So, as the content warning addresses in the opening of this blog page, be warned and be ware....
I'll start this next bit with a few quick thoughts;
Honesty is hard. It's work. It's scary and sometimes messy work and honesty on an open forum is downright terrifying at times but my secret weapon in all of this is simply that I was taught the gift of laughing. Mostly at myself. Definitely a gift worth attaining.
Last night I was at an event, and needed to visit the little boys' room, and of course, to set the pace and tone for the evening, proceeded to brazenly stroll into the ladies washroom. Being blind in one eye, it took me a few awkward seconds of standing in the doorway (Wide open) of staring in, women staring out at me... people out in the foyer all staring at me... before I realized I maaaaay have missed what that sign on the door said.
What I was looking for (Honest!)
aaaaaaaaand where I ended up
So close.... yet so so far!
I totally laughed out loud and made some good fun of myself. I'd rather people laugh with me than at me, and its something I learned a long time ago.... when I looked like THIS!!!
Oh yeah.. thats me right there in the front with the sexy glasses
I was 13. I was ghetto poor. I was ruthlessly bullied, beaten, taunted, and constantly harassed. That was my life growing up.
This blog isn't about that, and its just the truth of my life, not anything to get all mopey about. It's supposed to help anchor you in a better understanding of who I am, and almost as importantly, how I got here.
THIS GUY... thats how I got here.
I guess it didn't help that my closest friends at that time looked like they did as well.
ANYWAY!
So thats how I learned to laugh at myself without malice or meanness... just to be able to have a good old 'from-the-belly' chuckle, even if you are the butt of the joke.
Ok, one last thing before the list.
I'm a banker. I see people all the time in my job... and one of my regular customers is this old Japanese fellow who loves to visit the branch and will always say hello to me. He is as old as dust, but without fail he comes in to say hello and go walk around the mall where my bank is located. I always ask about his wife and some of his responses are funny, some not so much but for an elderly Japanese man, he is very candid and honest about things.
I cannot express how much I respect that, especially from a culture of closed emotions. Sometimes this fellow makes me laugh pretty hard with his stories about his married life. I think this anecdote is where I find my willingness to at least give a 'quasi' relationship a second thought instead of writing them off for another year.
If this man, who is approaching 90 years old, can deal with his life and wife with honesty and humour and poise, well then... maybe there's something to this business afterall.
Okay, no more stalling....
RYANS LIKES
-Eyes, soulful. (Preferably not in any jars)
-Necks, I love swan like necks (Sorry football no neckers)
-Hands, I love dainty and slim. Red knuckled, swollen hands freak me out
-Personality, funny, witty, smart all win. I've dated girls 'not as pretty' for their personality and nature. Yes... they had a great personality. Really.
-Pretty, I wont tell you what I consider pretty though... its a sliding scale
-Passionate, for causes but also in the bedroom. It makes sense
-Generosity, I love women who enjoy giving, however that looks. It reflects a goodness of spirit that is extremely attractive to me. (I'm not referring generous to me, just in general, I'm not gold digging. See below).
RYANS DISLIKES
-Too loud, sorry broken volume ladies, my hearing is too sensitive, its painful
-Snobs, You are the poison to my well, snobs. Pretty gets ugly VERY fast here
-Jerks (Self Entitlement), Treat your family, friends and servers badly and you get the vintage Ryan frown. Its very disapproving and judgement filled from someone who isn't generally a judger.
-Bossy, Don't tell me what to do. Ever. Period. Ask.... it's called decency and respect.
-GoldDigging, look elsewhere. I may be a banker but I'm def. broke ass.
-Non Communicators, USE YOUR WORDS! Talk... its how relationships work.
-Lack of relational compromise, It's been the serial killer of the past couple of my relationships that were actually remotely serious. IF we are talking about compromise, then congratulations, you have gotten to 'serious Ryan is trying to settle down with you so help, dont hinder' mode.
-Smokers. Honestly... I hate it. Its gross, and cancer has ravaged too many of my loved ones, for your own sake, please stop, but I will say my thought on it only once, then never again. But here you know.. I don't like it, but its not my life right? I'll tolerate it, but isn't what I look for at all.
Ok now some things about Ryan that you should probably know in general.
These MAY be deal breakers..... but hey, thats what this is for right? A blog-as-filter.
THINGS THAT RYAN DOES THAT MAY DRIVE YOU INSANE-O
-I take a book with me in the bathroom. Or my iPhone. It's usually a marathon sit in. Usually I know I'm done when my legs fall asleep. This is common.
-Stupidly long showers. Sorry kids, but anything under 20 minutes is simply unknown to me. and Hot.. I loves me some hot showers. Bath? Whats that?!? Look I dont speak Spanish, move along now...
-Write important information on tiny bits of paper, old receipts, napkins, or mail envelopes. Worst. organizational method. ever. I just cant seem to stop it
-I frequently leave auto parts in my Kitchen. Gotta use that room for something, right?! God knows theres no food being cooked
-Guitar, It's always going to be at a volume level of 'way too loud' for anyone I'm with. I just love it loud.
-Curiosity, Generally it gets me into no end of trouble. Trouble I enjoy sharing with my closest people. Most recently... "Blue Waffle" Ugh.. google it if you must but yeah. That.
HINT - this picture is NOT what I'm referring to.
-Video Games, doesn't happen as much anymore, but I am known to have marathon gaming sessions that will keep me up well into the next morning.
-I'm horribly disorganized. My car, my apartment, my office at work... my mind just seems to work best in that chaotic environment. Or I'm lazy
-I'm lazy. I enjoy working out, I love Tae Kwon Do, which I have been neglecting, love walks, swimming, runs late at night and that endorphin rush... but ist always a titanic effort to get me to do these things. Trust me I know, my internal monologue always ends up looking like these two...
These guys... minus the hilarious banter, equate my drive and laziness -I watch tv and movies many, many times over. And then quote them. Mercilessly. It's not pretty
-I can and do sing to just about any song out there, my mental music library is ridiculously extensive, and my voice is extensively ridiculous. You've been warned
-When I get moody, I want to be left alone. This is a tough one for ladies, and really anyone who doesnt know me very well or long. Sometimes I just need a mental breather and a bit of space to sort myself out. I always come back and the truth is that the more you try to help, the more of a hindrance you can become.
-I'm a huge nerd. I've been a soldier in the Army, I've won medals in Martial Arts Tourneys, I'm fairly athletic, but cmon... you saw that picture earlier, my heart is all geek. all the time.
-I used to play Dungeons and Dragons. DONT JUDGE ME
It's really not THAT gee...ok ok, it's dork to the power of Sheldon. I'm ok with that, I still love it.
-Whenever I'm accused of something that I didn't do, I smile. It's my nervous reaction and it's about the worst reaction ever. I'm always assumed to be the bad guy because I'm smiling.
-Sometimes... In winter... my friends and I will grab a GT Snow Racer, douse it in gasoline, light it on fire and ride it down snow hills.
Yep. Thats me. On a GT snow racer.. this one is on fire WITH a giant Rocket firework strapped underneath it. If you look closely, you will see the sled going upwards, even though the hill is on a decline.... Which leads to...
-I do stupid and dangerous stuff sometimes. I love off roading and my FB page is rife with pictures of me destroying my poor Jeep.
-I mutter. Usually when I'm being yelled at or in some sort of trouble.
-I'm old fashioned. I like to take care of the bill. I like to hold open doors for people. As long as Im not feeling taken for granted, this practice will always continue. Sorry equal rights ladies.
-Vegans/Vegetarians, I havent had much luck, besides the crazy kind, with you. Heres the deal.. I'll respect yourway of life if you respect mine. That means no preaching or trying to force your foods on me and Ill do the same. So yeah... I eat meat and greasy bacon and I don't care where it came from.
-I make funny faces when I use Q-Tips
-I leave my dishes to 'soak' longer than I should... like three days longer than I should.
-Dusting? Whats that?
Ok. Honest me. It aint pretty but it sure is honest. There, of course, is more to me but this definitely will get you a solid snapshot.
Cheers.
As with all New Years ridiculousness, revelry, and presumed good times, there comes the time of resolutions!
One of my resolutions for this year (Although I still don't recall making it so it's suspect) is to get more serious about relationships...
Namely, consideration for actually having one. Even trying.
2012 was my year of relational 'No-Fly Zones'. I did this on purpose, and even though there were some prospects and some dates (and admittedly good times), I stuck to my guns.
(ironic wordplay)
There is alot (A Lot, I know, I'm lazy, piss off) of pressure regarding relationships for a single man in his mid thirties.
I know, right? I barely look 28!
(scowl)
My sisters like to know what's going on in my love life, as do my inner circle of friends and assorted cast and characters hovering in my little world and my answer invariably sounds the same as it ever has. "What love life?"
So! I have decided to write up a 'TRUE BLOG'!!! I will give you, loyal reader, an inside look at Ryan, who he is, how he functions, what he likes and dislikes.
You will read things that some of my ex girlfriends never knew or found out about me, most of family still have no clue about, and probably a whole avalanche of details you could probably have done without.
So, as the content warning addresses in the opening of this blog page, be warned and be ware....
I'll start this next bit with a few quick thoughts;
Honesty is hard. It's work. It's scary and sometimes messy work and honesty on an open forum is downright terrifying at times but my secret weapon in all of this is simply that I was taught the gift of laughing. Mostly at myself. Definitely a gift worth attaining.
Last night I was at an event, and needed to visit the little boys' room, and of course, to set the pace and tone for the evening, proceeded to brazenly stroll into the ladies washroom. Being blind in one eye, it took me a few awkward seconds of standing in the doorway (Wide open) of staring in, women staring out at me... people out in the foyer all staring at me... before I realized I maaaaay have missed what that sign on the door said.
So close.... yet so so far!
I totally laughed out loud and made some good fun of myself. I'd rather people laugh with me than at me, and its something I learned a long time ago.... when I looked like THIS!!!
I was 13. I was ghetto poor. I was ruthlessly bullied, beaten, taunted, and constantly harassed. That was my life growing up.
This blog isn't about that, and its just the truth of my life, not anything to get all mopey about. It's supposed to help anchor you in a better understanding of who I am, and almost as importantly, how I got here.
THIS GUY... thats how I got here.
I guess it didn't help that my closest friends at that time looked like they did as well.
ANYWAY!
So thats how I learned to laugh at myself without malice or meanness... just to be able to have a good old 'from-the-belly' chuckle, even if you are the butt of the joke.
Ok, one last thing before the list.
I'm a banker. I see people all the time in my job... and one of my regular customers is this old Japanese fellow who loves to visit the branch and will always say hello to me. He is as old as dust, but without fail he comes in to say hello and go walk around the mall where my bank is located. I always ask about his wife and some of his responses are funny, some not so much but for an elderly Japanese man, he is very candid and honest about things.
I cannot express how much I respect that, especially from a culture of closed emotions. Sometimes this fellow makes me laugh pretty hard with his stories about his married life. I think this anecdote is where I find my willingness to at least give a 'quasi' relationship a second thought instead of writing them off for another year.
If this man, who is approaching 90 years old, can deal with his life and wife with honesty and humour and poise, well then... maybe there's something to this business afterall.
Okay, no more stalling....
RYANS LIKES
-Eyes, soulful. (Preferably not in any jars)
-Necks, I love swan like necks (Sorry football no neckers)
-Hands, I love dainty and slim. Red knuckled, swollen hands freak me out
-Personality, funny, witty, smart all win. I've dated girls 'not as pretty' for their personality and nature. Yes... they had a great personality. Really.
-Pretty, I wont tell you what I consider pretty though... its a sliding scale
-Passionate, for causes but also in the bedroom. It makes sense
-Generosity, I love women who enjoy giving, however that looks. It reflects a goodness of spirit that is extremely attractive to me. (I'm not referring generous to me, just in general, I'm not gold digging. See below).
RYANS DISLIKES
-Too loud, sorry broken volume ladies, my hearing is too sensitive, its painful
-Snobs, You are the poison to my well, snobs. Pretty gets ugly VERY fast here
-Jerks (Self Entitlement), Treat your family, friends and servers badly and you get the vintage Ryan frown. Its very disapproving and judgement filled from someone who isn't generally a judger.
-Bossy, Don't tell me what to do. Ever. Period. Ask.... it's called decency and respect.
-GoldDigging, look elsewhere. I may be a banker but I'm def. broke ass.
-Non Communicators, USE YOUR WORDS! Talk... its how relationships work.
-Lack of relational compromise, It's been the serial killer of the past couple of my relationships that were actually remotely serious. IF we are talking about compromise, then congratulations, you have gotten to 'serious Ryan is trying to settle down with you so help, dont hinder' mode.
-Smokers. Honestly... I hate it. Its gross, and cancer has ravaged too many of my loved ones, for your own sake, please stop, but I will say my thought on it only once, then never again. But here you know.. I don't like it, but its not my life right? I'll tolerate it, but isn't what I look for at all.
Ok now some things about Ryan that you should probably know in general.
These MAY be deal breakers..... but hey, thats what this is for right? A blog-as-filter.
THINGS THAT RYAN DOES THAT MAY DRIVE YOU INSANE-O
-I take a book with me in the bathroom. Or my iPhone. It's usually a marathon sit in. Usually I know I'm done when my legs fall asleep. This is common.
-Stupidly long showers. Sorry kids, but anything under 20 minutes is simply unknown to me. and Hot.. I loves me some hot showers. Bath? Whats that?!? Look I dont speak Spanish, move along now...
-Write important information on tiny bits of paper, old receipts, napkins, or mail envelopes. Worst. organizational method. ever. I just cant seem to stop it
-I frequently leave auto parts in my Kitchen. Gotta use that room for something, right?! God knows theres no food being cooked
-Guitar, It's always going to be at a volume level of 'way too loud' for anyone I'm with. I just love it loud.
-Curiosity, Generally it gets me into no end of trouble. Trouble I enjoy sharing with my closest people. Most recently... "Blue Waffle" Ugh.. google it if you must but yeah. That.
-Video Games, doesn't happen as much anymore, but I am known to have marathon gaming sessions that will keep me up well into the next morning.
-I'm horribly disorganized. My car, my apartment, my office at work... my mind just seems to work best in that chaotic environment. Or I'm lazy
-I'm lazy. I enjoy working out, I love Tae Kwon Do, which I have been neglecting, love walks, swimming, runs late at night and that endorphin rush... but ist always a titanic effort to get me to do these things. Trust me I know, my internal monologue always ends up looking like these two...
These guys... minus the hilarious banter, equate my drive and laziness -I watch tv and movies many, many times over. And then quote them. Mercilessly. It's not pretty
-I can and do sing to just about any song out there, my mental music library is ridiculously extensive, and my voice is extensively ridiculous. You've been warned
-When I get moody, I want to be left alone. This is a tough one for ladies, and really anyone who doesnt know me very well or long. Sometimes I just need a mental breather and a bit of space to sort myself out. I always come back and the truth is that the more you try to help, the more of a hindrance you can become.
-I'm a huge nerd. I've been a soldier in the Army, I've won medals in Martial Arts Tourneys, I'm fairly athletic, but cmon... you saw that picture earlier, my heart is all geek. all the time.
-I used to play Dungeons and Dragons. DONT JUDGE ME
It's really not THAT gee...ok ok, it's dork to the power of Sheldon. I'm ok with that, I still love it.
-Whenever I'm accused of something that I didn't do, I smile. It's my nervous reaction and it's about the worst reaction ever. I'm always assumed to be the bad guy because I'm smiling.
-Sometimes... In winter... my friends and I will grab a GT Snow Racer, douse it in gasoline, light it on fire and ride it down snow hills.
-I do stupid and dangerous stuff sometimes. I love off roading and my FB page is rife with pictures of me destroying my poor Jeep.
-I mutter. Usually when I'm being yelled at or in some sort of trouble.
-I'm old fashioned. I like to take care of the bill. I like to hold open doors for people. As long as Im not feeling taken for granted, this practice will always continue. Sorry equal rights ladies.
-Vegans/Vegetarians, I havent had much luck, besides the crazy kind, with you. Heres the deal.. I'll respect yourway of life if you respect mine. That means no preaching or trying to force your foods on me and Ill do the same. So yeah... I eat meat and greasy bacon and I don't care where it came from.
-I make funny faces when I use Q-Tips
-I leave my dishes to 'soak' longer than I should... like three days longer than I should.
-Dusting? Whats that?
Ok. Honest me. It aint pretty but it sure is honest. There, of course, is more to me but this definitely will get you a solid snapshot.
Cheers.
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