White people dancing...




Ah Seinfeld, always clarifying how white folk act.  Truly the precursor to the "Stuff white people like" epidemic.

 So I'm off to a rock show, and I use that term loosely, for a band called Mother Mother.  Last year they opened for Collective Soul and they did pretty good, I even recognized a few poppy songs of theirs that were not so bad...
 This time around they are headlining and I still haven't figured out why exactly they weren't as good.. it must be the curse of the sequel. 
  OR!!  
  Maybe it was the horrific experience of watching these poor white folks dancing... and really they were not too far off of Elaines terrible epileptic fit of thrashing limbs and hooked thumbs and... oh God, the horror!!

  I was getting bounced around out on the floor of the local venue and what do I notice all around me... 13 year old girls! Everywhere! I tell you, never have I met more of an asshole then a 13 year old girl. This one kid kept barging up and down the floor for no apparent reason that I could figure out... just, out of the gloom and foggy murk, this husky woman-child, head bent forward, shoulders squared, charging at me.. I swear I saw red glowing embers in her eyes before I squeaked in an unmanly fashion as she muscled right between me and my friends. Of course the girl I was standing beside happens to be about five foot nothing, weights ninety pounds soaking wet, and is about the sweetest girl I know, gets spun around by this pre pubescent atrocity, who continues on to the stage area...only to turn back and do it all over again.
  Heaven for bide she takes 5 steps to the left where the wall is and NO PEOPLE!!! I guess an unobstructed walk to the back of the venue is not in the vernacular of asshole kids.  She must have done this about three times before I got fed up and headed to that same wall area left of the stage, and relative safety.  
  You see, it wasn't just the 13 year old assholes, it was all the white folks thrashing about as if they were drowning in the ocean... it scared me, I'm not going to lie.. I really felt my medical training would be put to the test, and seizures are not really my thing at all.  
  This band was to teenaged girls what Nirvana was my disaffected generation.  
  The music was light, poppy, fun and not at all angsty, yet folks were body surfing?!? This, to music I can only generously label as folk pop?! My God... I'm sort of a white person I suppose, but I cannot fathom the full on Albino whitey action that was happening last night. 
  Truly, I was floored.

 Revenge was sweet though, as the TaunTaun that was the 13 year old asshole girl stomped up the aisle right where I was standing and LO AND BEHOLD, my foot was waaaay out there, and she tripped, stumbled, recovered, eyed me like my throat was chocolate cake and she was Jonesing for a fix, before being hauled off by her equally monstrous mother....
  Not gonna lie..kinda feared for my life for a few seconds.

  Push my friends around will you?  Passive Aggressive trip action for the win, Bitch!  Booyah!

 I really wish my Iphone picked up the actual spectacle of white people dancning, as I fear it is more of a myth, a rare legend told to our children to leave them wide eyed with wonder at how mom and dad (whitey, mind you) used ot "Cut a little rug" back in the 'day'.

 I think I have PTSD.

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