Crumbling

...

I have not written here since the passing of someone important to me this past summer, and now that the leaves have fallen and the cold weather marches inexorably towards us, it would seem that life is dishing out some more trouble.
Yet another break up under the belt. I'm getting pretty good at them, sadly. One quick argument and its over. Fairly painless... for the most part anyway, I suppose.

Someone very close to me is going into the hospital for heart surgery this coming week, and it has been weighing on me for awhile now. I daresay it helped along the recent breakup. Stress being what it is, anyway. Close people to me are splitting up after a long while together...and that has a sense of personal failure for me, as if I were the glue in that relationship...which, looking back, I very well may have been to a small degree. The strand of thread that they were hanging on by.

So much sadness in such a short time. I may need to fly away in a day or two, depending on a conversation I really need to have tomorrow... I dont relish that at all....and I can only try to be as positive as I can be...but I sure wish I had someone here with me to talk to about all this. May as well wish for a few million dollars.

I just need to bounce off these quiet walls for a few moments. Stop time and scream at the unfairness of this world. Yeah..no one promised us life would be fair, quite the opposite, but damned if I have to like it at any level.

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