..with cat on lap...

Needless to say, I have been somewhat busy. This blog was meant as a creative outlet for me, a vehicle to get back into the proverbial swing of things regarding my raw writing ability. I had hoped (and still do) to hone and de-rustify my admittedly hazy writing 'talent' as it were.
But life, being what it is, has caused many pit stops, obstacles, shiny things and distractions of varying levels all along the way. Yes. Life causes shiny things. Don't argue, just nod and smile along with me.
So I sit here listening to a song about love and maps, with one eyed cat entrenched firmly in my lap, watching every keystroke I make with decidedly lack luster enthusiasm. I have set a goal of writing for one hour every day or at least making a valiant attempt at it, even if it means sitting in front of my computer and picking at my finger nails in bored frustration.
It's my writing hour! 6 weeks and it will be a habit. I have even, just now, sacrificed playing Rock Band till the early hours with the roommate in order to try and get this hour in. Yes, you can now understand how badly I want this to be a priority. Or maybe not and the 11 year old trapped in this body is peeking out to the world right now.

I have recently been emailing a friend a great deal. My proposed hour can be argued into these emails as really, they have taken at least an hour of my time per day. Unfortunately, slacking at work and trying to set myself up with this 'hour' for myself.... not exactly the same thing.

I'm not sure what I am trying to accomplish here, or if I will even write anything on the blog, or maybe just go back to my docudrama-life chronicling that I had been doing in years past. Granted, my life could be fairly amusing at times... but I don't quite know what I want the blog world to know. Candor is great... in measured doses to millions of unknown and random strangers. Plus the few unwanted lurkers out in the world.

So I broke my toe! In grand and idiotic fashion, I took a stumble performing a very routine and easily done procedure, bent my toe in all sorts of funny and Gumby-like ways...and now it's broke. No good for much of anything, except to send out the odd wave of stomach wrenching pain now and then. The pain that looks like a thick pea soup green. Yes. Pain is colored.

I won a medal for something recently. Not breaking my toe mind you, but I did do a no-show for the awards ceremony. I just didn't hear the call, not like I was avoiding or anything It was only a Bronze, but still. Soon I will try to go for the colored set. I think Gold will look nice, but as I sit here and type... I need some healing first. If you can imagine someones feet....and then think of your favorite cartoons growing up (bear with me a second..I'll tie it in). Think of a character who hammers his thumb and it balloons in that very comical fashion. Now insert that image to my feet.

Yeah. Only now do I realize the vast uses of feet... how important they actually are in a persons day to day life. Funny the things we take for granted.

On an unrelated note. I dislike liars.... a great deal. I have found that I can tolerate people who lie to me in varying degrees depending on how close to me they are, or their relationship to me.
My sister can lie to me, and when I find out about it (which I eventually do...all lies come out after a time), I call her on it. I think its a habit for her... It's deplorable..but she is my sister.
Close friends... I cant really abide by that so much. No reason for it. I value honesty and the truth too much to have to deal with lies amongst my inner circle.
My tough spot is in relationships, more than any other, with the opposite sex. I feel that I am almost ready to fully trust someone, assuming it will be the right someone. It has been a number of years for me to get to this place. And I'm not there yet...maybe the thresh hold is more where I am. I just wish it wasn't like this. I wish I could trust easily. This sad world though, doesn't allow for it.

Sorry for the heavy there. Its a fact of life, I know, but I refuse to lie to the ones I care for in my world. No matter how hard it is... the truth can only hurt once. Lies keep cutting.
I have been setting my world right regarding lies and the damage from them with myself, friends, and family. But it's a process, and part of that process is healing too... which is an unexpected but not unwelcome by-product.

Soon I will be travelling on some business. I will try to actually write while I am out there as time permits. Not blogs or emails or anything, but an actual story or maybe I'll finally set up lyrics to some of the music I have composed. Sounds so grand... but really... it's just music to my own ears.

*sighing*
The cat is gone. 15 pounds of hair, all knotty, one squinty eye, and a surly disposition. He is the cat version of me...it's pretty cool. But its nice when I can feel my legs again as well.

Anyone interested in a tabby that's in heat? It doesnt belong to me, but I will gladly give her away....

She enjoys humping my sandals.... long walks down the hall, eating bananas from her owners hand, and clawing all things leather. She is a Virgo and is partial to older cats. Any takers? Lemme know.....soon.

Now. If anyone gets the chance... check out an old U2 song. Hawkmoon 269.

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