A Bachelors Blog

Sick sick SICK! I hate it and I want my body to start rejecting some of these freaking virus and bacterium crawling their way through me. Got good and sick around Christmas time...Bronchitis. Joy :-( I guess now this will be the norm for me....it better not dammit! Cold FX is on my side....I can't afford to be sick.... And for a writing junkie...I seem to be in heavy withdrawal. Actually I'm just disgustingly busy with all sorts of crazy things these days that suck up time like a fat kid with a slurpee. Was wandering into the soup kitchen where I volunteer this past Friday, and I noticed an odd fellow staring at my car with a quirky smile on his face. And damn he looked familiar.... He said, "Hey nice Autobots sticker!" referring to my childlike need to turn my vehicle into a toy I used to have as a kid. We chatted for a few moments and he asked if I knew so and so...and I said I did, and then we realized we once went to church together. Small world. ...

I’m really struggling here. I’m trying pretty damn hard to make some sense of where I am and what I am looking for, and so far it is a twisting path leading in big roundabout circles. Rather annoying to be honest. It’s the note about the dream. It’s the book about finding our way. It’s the ceaseless unease sitting directly in the middle of my stomach like some kind of bullseye waiting for the arrow to hit it’s mark. The good news... as it were. 1) Im not alone. Not by a long shot. 2) The process, whatever it is for me, takes a long time. 3) Even the act of questioning and writing all of this down right now is a step. .. Towards what? I have no idea really. I have some naive hopes and foolish aspirations. What do I want to do? What do I want to be? Who am I? Where is my heart tugging and railing to go to? Okay... try to break it down just a little bit... one piece of the puzzle at a time. My job. I am pretty damn close to truly being unhappy there. Every day gets harder. What...

Exhaustion is such an apt word. Or Fatigue. Or a bit from column A and a dab from column B. Today I skipped everything....except for the volunteering. That had to happen. Did you know that soup kitchens have what I refer to as "cool days" to volunteer on? Yeah, Friday is the day for extra hands on deck for some odd reason... I guess it's like the religious version of a school field trip. "C'mon folks, lets go see where God lives, we can hang out and then ditch that old fart for some cool new Christian music from Vineyard!" Tuesday. That's going to be the new volunteer day for me I think. But maybe I'll stick with Friday as well, two days is always better than one, although that whole "feeding the poor" thing has been cutting deeply into my nap times. We shall see if my body allows for it. I also need this bit of a break to allow the hip to heal. Don't bother asking what the deal is there, as I have no idea outside of ...

We all had dreams of what we wanted to be, and who we wanted to be once we all 'grew up'. I suppose deep down inside we still do, and I suppose a few of us are still chasing those dreams down and wrestling them to the ground, owning them, as rightly we should. I for one, have let my dreams slide away. How did that happen? I can only assume that in the grind of our daily lives, our families, friends, marriages, divorces, relationships, careers, jobs, and issues... the priority of our dreams was allowed to be put further and further behind us. I think we all need to dream again. To chase down those dreams and fight for them to the bitter end.... or sweet end, or however it looks. I recently have re-evaluated who and what, and really, where I am in my lifes journey.... and for all of my victories and defeats, I don't feel any closer to my dream. I will express one dream of mine. And thats the simplest of them. I just want to own a home for myself out in the countr...

Ola! So it's now well into the new year, and alot of folks who started their new years resolutions have dropped off already and thats ok. I made no such resolutions, knowing full well the waste of breath that would be, and just decided (After my bad cold finally went away) to throw myself recklessly into my life. I'm working out my body these days. Alot. Feels good, in a painful sort of way, but at least I am getting results, bleeding my tremendous amount of stress, and dammit, feeling good about things. About life, and people, and relationships, and being single and independant. Still working at my job, but that has become secondary in my life, where once it truly was my mistress. Life still kinda sucks in my world overall.... but you know.. I cant put my finger on it... I am really loving this year so far. No special reason for it. Maybe because Im involved in something I want to be doing with the work outs and its a big benefit on alot of levels, or maybe its because...

Yes well, it as been awhile since I have written here. Poor form for a so called junkie, but hey... Times are busy and hectic and all of the usual excuses. Now that we are out of the Christmas season, I think I can breath a little easier and focus on the next big thing... whatever THAT happens to be. There are ideas a'brewin in this devious mind of mine, but nothing in the absolutely near future. For now I will focus on healing and working out the body and all those other new years resolutions that everyone makes... although I made mine long before January 1st. muahahah.. Ahead of the game I am (for a change) ....I have finally left some things behind. I can look forward now. I'm not done with the past, not completely, but it is a decent feeling to be able to close a chapter or two. Some wounds that were fresher than others have healed... and hell, it IS a new year... try to start this one off properly and with a better focus. Oddly... I can't wait till spring/su...

Rascal Flatts has been an odd banner bearer for me these past years. Out of the blue now and then, a song pops up that really impacts...and oddly... its by Rascal, and its regarding my situation at the time. I had a painful conversation with a friend in my car while this song played in the background.. and I realized how badly I was in pain.. my pain was laid bare and it was there playing... and dammit.. the flood of emotion came like a tidal wave.... Its a great song, and it brings me back to that sharp pain of the other night. Rascal..... always there .... for years now.... go figure. What Hurts The Most - Rascal Flatts I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house That don’t bother me I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while Even though going on with you gone still upsets me There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok But that’s not what gets me What hurts the most Was being so close And having s...